i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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