Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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