he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
