Its about making memories worth repressing
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
