how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
