If that was your dad, he is hot
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
