he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
