You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
