just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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