This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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