I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
