Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
