We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
