You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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