Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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