she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
