He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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