I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
