So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
