Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
