we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
