I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
