Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
