people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize