the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
