There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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