I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My balls are so social today.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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