Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
