He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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