I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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