I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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