3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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