If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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