I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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