Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
