On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize