Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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