My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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