I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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