We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
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