her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
