we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
