I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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