Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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