Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just pee around me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
