i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
