i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
