in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
