I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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