Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize