he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
