Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
