I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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