You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
