i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
