Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
