I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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