I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
