she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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