so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
