The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
