Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
