Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
