You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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