3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
well you can't waste a boner
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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