A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
