Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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