Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
