i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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