pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
