Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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