you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
