Pappa wants mamma naked
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize