Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
May the power of my ass compel you!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
