whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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