I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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