At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
