dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
