His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
