No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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