she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
