So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
