im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize