dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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