Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
