3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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